Ahhh! I am going to do this every semester evidently. It doesn’t matter how well I do the previous semester, and it doesn’t matter that I was able to handle all of the work of previous class. It doesn’t even matter that last semester I probably took the most overwhelming class I have taken thus far in the history of my schooling and I did better than great. I AM GOING TO FEEL OVERWHELMED AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH SEMESTER. I will also probably be stressed for at least parts of it during the course of it.
I think the biggest stressor is charting the great unknown every semester. On one hand, it is good that I am learning new things all of the time. On the other hand, I barely have time to get myself into a groove before it is the end of the semester and time to prepare for another semester. You people who have read my post “By the Planner” know how important it is to me to schedule everything. It is the way I get things done. While syllabi give me due dates for everything, they don’t prepare me for how much time I need to spend on each assignment. Once again, once I get that down, it is time to start all over again with a new semester.
Another stressor is how well I think I am going to do in a class. Those of you who know I have self-esteem issues can understand if I tell you that I am never certain that I am going to do well in a class, despite the seventy-six semester hours that have told me otherwise. I go crazy on every class, afraid that I won’t be able to do what the teacher has asked or that I won’t understand or be able to remember the material long enough to take a test. It was a big surprise to me that on my first test I missed only one answer out of twenty-five, but despite that win, I will doubt myself on all future tests.
Don’t take this as a complaint about school. I feel privileged to be able to be taking classes headed towards a goal of a master’s and a new career that will take me far away from my present career. Also, despite the challenges there is a lot to enjoy about class, but I guess it is sort of like dance. You can really have fun with it, but all the learning can challenge and daunt you.
Here is to another semester overcoming the beasts that are fear and doubt.
The Hope Chronicles 