You can Google all sorts of information on PTSD and lesser on Complex PTSD, but what is harder to sort out is what it is like on a personal level.
I think about the homework I must prepare for the EMDR treatment. We have pulled out the cluster of similar core beliefs related to all the traumatic events of my life. I might as well say what they are, as you may be curious. The overarching themes are vulnerability, dismissal, future existence, abuse of power, …
Say Something: Final Pt. The Worth of Saying Something—For me there is no crusader, knight, or rescue. But being a victim doesn’t keep me from being crusader, knight, and rescue for others.
Say Something: Pt 8 The Worth of Statements— I told the detectives and prosecutor I really didn’t know when everything happened. They said to just write on the witness statement what I remember. I had to make a statement.
Years before that courtroom, perhaps when I am sixteen or seventeen and Brenda two years younger, the years hazy from our timeless way of life, Brenda ostensibly broke our silence about our father’s sexual assault of us.
Say Something: Pt 6 The Worth of Being Separate—She tended to say things for effect, so I didn’t enter the conversation, but my sister indicated she knew what Nina was talking about.
I remember this time when I was in grade school when I had one of my first couple of what I today call my grey dreams. I usually dream in color but sometimes I have these terrible dreams that are all in shades of grey and the night.